Do not make irreversible financial moves, use children as messengers, sign a final deal without disclosure, ignore an existing order, post the dispute online or assume divorce resolves property and parenting. Slow down the decisions that are hard to undo; write down the temporary arrangements that need to work now.
Money mistakes
- Do not hide, transfer or undervalue assets. Financial and property matters carry disclosure obligations.
- Do not empty accounts as punishment. If money is genuinely at risk, preserve evidence and get advice about a proportionate response.
- Do not stop every payment without a plan. Missed mortgage, rent, insurance or utility payments can damage both people.
- Do not rely on a handshake for a final property split. A private note may record intention but it is not the same as consent orders or a valid binding financial agreement.
Communication mistakes
- Do not send threats, repeated messages or messages written to provoke a reaction.
- Do not negotiate when either person is frightened, pressured or unable to say no.
- Do not breach an ADVO, FVIO, DVO, FVRO, FVO or intervention order—even if the other person invites contact.
- Do not put allegations, children’s information or financial details on social media.
Use one agreed written channel, keep messages short and practical, and separate the relationship argument from the next decision.
Children mistakes
- Do not ask children to carry messages, choose sides or report on the other home.
- Do not assume equal time is an automatic legal rule. Parenting arrangements focus on the child’s circumstances and best interests.
- Do not make unilateral relocation plans where the move would affect the child’s time with the other parent.
- Do not confuse a parenting plan with an enforceable parenting order.
Process mistakes
- Do not wait for the divorce before dealing with urgent property, debt or parenting issues.
- Do not miss the usual 12-month post-divorce or two-year post-de-facto time limits for financial applications.
- Do not use a self-service agreement for superannuation splits, companies, trusts, bankruptcy, overseas assets, coercion or disputed ownership.
A calm temporary agreement can create breathing room. It should state its limits, the review date and what happens if circumstances change.
Clear answers
What is the biggest separation mistake?
Treating an urgent emotional moment as the right time for an irreversible financial or parenting decision. Stabilise safety and essentials, verify the facts, then choose the correct legal document.
Can private messages be used later?
Messages can become relevant evidence. Write as if a neutral decision-maker may later read them: factual, brief and focused on the practical issue.
Can I use an online shared agreement if I feel pressured?
No. A collaborative process is unsuitable where either person is afraid, pressured or unable to disagree freely.
Check the official process
General information only, last checked 18 October 2026. Court forms, fees and procedures change. Use the current official source before filing and obtain legal advice for your circumstances.
What changes when it is in writing
Same problem. What a prepared case looks like.