Ex Posting Lies About You on Social Media? Send a Defamation Concerns Notice

Breakups are ugly enough without your ex turning Facebook into a courtroom. But that’s what’s happening: they’re posting that you cheated, that you’re a “narcissist”, that you were violent, that you owe them money, that you’re a bad parent. Mutual friends are seeing it. Your family is seeing it. Your boss might be seeing it.

You’ve tried ignoring it. You’ve tried asking nicely. Neither worked. Here’s what you can do next.

Yes, this is defamation

People assume defamation is for celebrities and newspapers. It isn’t. Under the Defamation Act 2005 (uniform across Australia), any false statement published to a third party that damages your reputation is defamatory. A Facebook post to 400 friends is a publication. A story on Instagram is a publication. A message in a group chat is a publication.

Australian courts have awarded significant damages for social media defamation between private individuals, including in disputes between former partners. Judges take it seriously precisely because the audience is people who know you.

What they’re saying matters

Some claims are especially serious in law: allegations of criminal conduct (violence, theft, abuse), dishonesty, or unfitness as a parent. These carry higher damages because the harm is obvious. If your ex is accusing you of a crime, they need to prove it’s substantially true. If they can’t, they lose.

The “serious harm” test

Since 2021, you need to show the posts caused or are likely to cause serious harm to your reputation. Where an ex is accusing you of abuse or crime to your whole social circle, that may be easier to establish. Keep notes of who’s seen it, any friendships or work relationships affected, and any impact on your mental health.

The Concerns Notice

A Concerns Notice is now a mandatory first step before any defamation claim. It’s a formal document that:

• Quotes each defamatory post exactly, with dates and screenshots
• Spells out the defamatory meanings (imputations)
• States that the imputations are false
• Demands removal, a retraction and an apology within a set period
• Warns that proceedings will follow, with damages and costs

When your ex receives a formal legal document, the calculation changes. It stops being a rant to friends and starts being a potential court case with their name on it. It also puts your position on the record.

Family law and intervention orders

If there are children or property proceedings, defamatory posts can also be raised there, and courts do not look kindly on a parent trashing the other online. If the posts are threatening or part of a pattern of harassment, an intervention order (AVO, IVO, DVO depending on your state) may be appropriate too.

Do not respond in kind

Posting your own side of the story feels satisfying and is legally disastrous. Screenshot everything. Say nothing publicly. Send the notice.

Claim Done drafts your Defamation Concerns Notice for $49. Done in about 5 minutes. You approve it before it is sent.